Open Your Mouth and Say....

   Have you ever noticed how easily guys get along with one another? Put two heterosexual men in a room together and generally, within five minutes, they will have an easy-going conversation flowing between them, switching effortlessly from sports to politics to women. You know why it's so easy? Because they don't plan what they want to say to each other. They don't try to premeditate the best approach to good conversation.

   Now flip the script and substitute a beautiful woman for one of those men and see what happens. Inevitably, this same man, who was just talking effortlessly to his pals about basketball and the upcoming elections, will rack his brain for the best one liner he can think of to create the perfect first impression. And then he'll look deep into her eyes and say something corny like, "Do you have a quarter?," hoping against hope that regardless of whether she has change or not, she will ask him why he needs it so that he can close the deal with, "Because I promised my mother that I'd call her when I fell in love." And then this poor soul will initiate a conversation with the female about her looks, his bank account or the ultimate turn-off-sex.

Why oh why boys? Why do you give in to the 1980's bachelor flick urge and come at women from a self-consciously suave direction-a direction completely different than you use with your friends? Surely, you must realize us women are capable of speaking intelligently about the same things that other men do. No?

   Well fellas, the truth is: we are. And we would be much more receptive to your bad one liners if you would stop trying to come to us with your many angles and just talk to us like fellow human beings. So stop calling out, "Hey-(you fill in the blank)," when we saunter by on the street. The respect level of those cat calls are near nada and would make your mother cringe. Though every girl loves a good compliment, it's not the only thing we're interested in hearing; so don't make the beauty of our eyes your only point (especially when you're staring at our breasts). Again, we're back to the respect issue.

   And believe it or not, when a girl first meets you, she doesn't need to hear about your yearly salary or the beauty of your 401 K. Personally, I'd just like to hear that you're gainfully employed and move on. Besides, aren't you just setting yourself up for the next golddigger that crosses your path, who will ultimately empty your pockets, breaking your bank and your heart?

   And please, please guys, please refrain from approaching a girl and starting up a conversation dripping with sexual innuendo, however blatant or subtle you may try to be. If we don't know your surname yet, do you think we're already pondering your bedroom capabilities? You may scoff, knowing from experience that there are girls out there who bite for such bait, but are they really the ones you're out there looking for? Are you still with them? I'll let you think on that one for a little bit.

   The point is, there really is no need to put a lot of thought into this. Start a conversation with a female the same way you would with a guy. Introduce yourself and then try to find a common interest. If you can't find one with her, move on to another girl that you will have something in common with. It's not a hard thing to do. Just stop trying to impress her and be yourself. That should be impressive enough, right?